The Path to Success is not always what it seems

Sometimes the cost (of success) is physical, impacting one's limbs, in more ways than one.

Oftentimes the impact is not only skin deep.

Perhaps questioning or doubting one's skills in the related fields; experiencing cut-throat, merciless competition; working extra long hours and still wondering whether one will succeed.

If someone had told me that being successful would also include feelings or experiences of betrayal, mistrust, angst, loneliness, isolation, or anxiety, I do not think I would run to the front of the line to sign up for the punches.

On the flip side, if someone told me that my difficult, gut-wrenching experiences have a significant role to play in the success of what I am and will be doing, I would view my past experiences in a different light.

I am not usually one to ask any 'why me' questions.

And, I try to look to see how my experiences, however painful and isolating they may seem, are opportunities for me to grow as well as situations in which I can help others.

If some of my circumstances took place to pave the way for success, the pain feels different, the interpretations of those experiences change, and the forwards goal steals the stage.

Cheers to success!

The Grouchy Butterfly

Plenty of life's worthwhile experiences come with difficulties, struggles, and pain.

Training and Pain

Cutting teeth. I still have memories of itching gums and experiencing pain from new teeth emerging (through the gums).

Figuring out how to read. Sounding out letters, putting together sounds, and attempting to pronounce words, is maddening, when one wants to be able to read and speak right away. After learning to pronounce words and read sentences, more obstacles come. One has to figure out what sentences collectively are communicating. Learning to read is not cake.

Training for a sport. I remember years of tennis lessons, camps, private lessons, practicing. Running suicides, strength training, learning to shuffle from base line to base line, running forwards and backwards from the mid-line to the base line, training the body (and hand-eye) coordination to hit balls to particular spots on the court involved a lot of sweat, sheer exhausting effort, and dedication.

Learning to play an instrument. I started taking piano lessons when I was four and a half years old and continued through high school (and then some private piano for credit at the university). Practicing scales and arpeggios, finding ways to effectively and beautifully play through trouble spots in pieces, minding dynamics, working on playing technique was boring, frustrating, painful, at times.

Learning about oneself and maturing as a person is no cup of tea. I am giving a talk on identity tonight. There is too much to be said to include a concise summary here. Suffice to say that truly learning about oneself, to start; takes patience, discerning, self-reflection.

All for Something Better

We invite and endure such struggle and pain, with the expectation that the finished product is well worth the investment.

With teeth, we can enjoy so many more varieties of deliciously tasty food.

With the ability to read, we are less limited and have so much more access to the world.

There is something to be said about mastering a sport. By 'mastering' a sport, I don't mean becoming a world-famous athlete. In the process of immersing oneself in a sport well, one has to take care of the body in many ways: eating well, looking after the heart through cardiovascular training, toning one's muscles, training the mind to work with the body. A person's body is being refined and molded.

As for music, I have so much fondness associated with music. Though the years of practicing and competing were tough on different levels, the diligent effort has allowed me to express myself through music (and other arts), be an accompanist, and enjoy communicating through music.

Regarding personal growth and maturity, I am not afraid to identify or examine my feelings. That is not to say there are feelings I do not particularly enjoy or appreciate, whether sadness, despair, loneliness, feeling alone, or anger. Through the ongoing process of getting to know myself and growing, I have gained a much more robust and meaningful understanding of who I am.

My Pain of Writing

My struggle and pain for today is pressing forward with writing. 

Figuring out how to communicate the underlying message in the book through showing and not telling, learning to prune without cutting out vital information, encouraging and being generous with the creative, inviting the imaginative out to play, keeping in mind all of life's lessons whilst writing, allowing the characters' personalities to take their unique forms, believing I have something worthwhile to share.

Balancing my daily responsibilities (which keep me running nonstop, with precious little sleep) with writing is difficult. I have yet to figure out how to do that well.

Yet, I am attempting to hold steadfast on to the hope that my work of fiction will not merely make or a good read but will transform lives.

Pain, Should We Really Be Avoiding It at All Costs?!

I am re-posting something I published under an alias on December 25, 2013.

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Here in America, the trend seems to be avoiding pain at all costs. I have seen mothers make the decision not to immunize their children for various vaccines, in part, because they do not want to see their children in pain and do not wish their children to experience pain. Only in first world countries do people have the luxury to decide not to vaccinate their children, not because of the cost or availability, but because of some other nebulous 'reason.' Though I am not a medical doctor, I am friends with several who have served in third world countries where vaccinations are scarce and too expensive (for the people who live there); and people frequently die from diseases that can be prevented with vaccinations. We have a comparatively abundant supply of these vaccinations, at a minimal cost, easily and readily available for everyone. These mothers I have known to purposely skip a vaccine here and there, have other reasons, in addition to the avoidance of inflicting pain, such as not appreciating certain ingredients (part of an egg or something else) in the vaccination. But, whatever the aversion, the pain from getting the diseases the vaccinations are designed to prevent would be so much worse and would last much longer. Not sold on pain being beneficial in this sort of circumstance?


How about the fact that placing a hand on a hot stove causing enough pain to quickly motivate a person to remove that person's hand from the hot stove? Pain can be an excellent warning to avoid imminent danger. A person without such (pain) warnings could quickly put one's own well being and life in danger.

How about emotional or psychological pain? Should we avoid that at all cost? I have known people to drink until they are no longer aware of their feelings or they feel numb. A person who will continue to be a part of my life, not by any choice on my part, continues to be a raging and turbulent storm (perhaps tsunami is a more accurate description) in my life. And yesterday was a particularly rough day. At first, I wanted this piercing, raw pain, which has been further magnified by past, multiple instances of trauma caused by him, to go away. The pain and agony seemed almost unbearable. My wounds had not healed, and yet he was throwing salt in the tender, still painful wounds.

After much shedding of tears and desiring to hide (but not being able to, since I needed to be there for my children and provide for them), Soon I recalled that times of pain, at least in my life, have been opportunities for greater insight, growth, reaching out to others in pain or need, and better writing. Though I haven't actually put pen to paper for a few weeks or more, the wheels in my head are turning, I am figuring out how to put my thoughts into words, and soon, I shall be ready to put a voice to those feelings, thoughts, and experiences.